In the Beginning was the Word

John 1:1-18 In the Beginning Was the Word…
12/28/09

Our Gospel passage for today is a hymn so beautiful that it is almost intimidating in its perfection. Last week I spoke of the incredible newness of the incarnation- the newness of the baby Jesus and the newness of the new creation we are promised to become in Christ. The prologue to the Gospel of John seems to bring this glorious newness to a whole new dimension. We are stunned by he heart-stopping profundity and the total newness of the phrase: “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” The words thrill us with the mystery and the glory of the uncreated Christ.

In the whole of the Gospel of John, and especially in the prologue, Jesus is shown to embody the natural elements of the world, life and light. When is life more intense than in the beginning- at a birth? And when is light more spectacular than when it blazes out of the darkness? These elements are at there most astonishing, in their very beginning.

Our passage has as its source not only the very beginning of the Book of Genesis, but also the ancient Jewish concept of “Wisdom” a feminine form of Yahweh. In the book of Proverbs the uncreated status of the Wisdom, or Sophia in Greek, is described:

Ages ago I was set up,
At the first, before the beginning of the earth.
When there were no depths I was brought forth,
When there were no springs
Abounding with water.
Before the mountains had been shaped, before the hills
I was brought forth…
When he established the heavens, I was there.

The author of Proverbs wants us to make no mistake about the pre-existing, nature of the Wisdom Sophia, as the author of the Gospel of John wanted us to fully understand the divine nature of Jesus. With the opening of the Gospel of John we go beyond the Christmas story, because we are told that Christ did not first appear in the manger, but long, long before, in the very beginning. He was not created with the other beings of God’s creation. He was God’s co-creator and not one thing came into being without him.

Something about beginnings stir our souls with longing, and rend our hearts with hope. In our own beginnings as helpless infants, coming out of the chaos of birth, we struggle to experience the spirit- our first breath. And then the new beginnings that we witness in our own children might stir even more heartbreak, longing, joy, pride and fear all at once. Perhaps it is a primal yearning to go back to the beginning- the pristine newness of creation. As if we could re-enter paradise and do it right this time. The beginning of any journey, and any calling is fraught with these emotions.

My own beginnings as an aspirant to Holy Orders were filled with the kind of chaos, hope and fear of any birth. In the beginning when I heard the Word, when I received my first calling orders, I had two young children, no Christian friends, and although I had grown up in the Episcopal church, I had been back at church for only one month following a fifteen year hiatus. My husband was (and is) Jewish, and was at that time still trying to get used to the fact of my going to church each Sunday.

But immediately after hearing the Word I was so struck by the rightness of the calling that I immediately picked up the phone and talked to the patient receptionist at CDSP, where I much later attended seminary. I actually said, “Uh- I have a friend who wants to become an Episcopal priest- what steps would she have to take?” I found out that you had to attend the same church for at least 3 years, attend seminary for three years, do field work for no pay for one year at another church, work at a hospital for your Clinical Pastoral Education (again for free), pass physical, psychological and academic tests, go before the Commission on Ministry three times go before the Standing Committee three times, be voted on by your vestry go before the Bishop and bring back the broom of the Wicked Witch of the West. After hearing that I hung up and told myself to get a grip, to go lie down until the feeling went away.

The calling still tormented me, for several more years, but I suppressed it as best I could, and attempted to go on with my life as if the Word had not spoken. Two years later I was vacationing with my family outside of Yosemite National Park and on a 2 mile treck to get supplies I suddenly heard organ music in the middle of the woods. I braced myself for a spiritual vision, then I noticed that I was just approaching an RV camp and the music came out of what looked to be some kind of small recreational lodge. I realized that there must be church going on (it was Sunday morning) and I decided to attend services. I walked in and sat down among a congregation of 6-8 people mostly elderly. After we had sung several songs, a short, attractive woman in her fifties came up to the podium and said, “My name is Patricia and I came up here from LA. I heard that there was no speaker this morning, and so I offered to speak. I do that sometimes at home.”

She proceeded to give an absolutely beautiful sermon on forgiveness that just left me devastated. Afterwards she offered to hear anyone who wanted to talk with her, or to lay hands on anyone who wanted a healing. I wiped my eyes, came forward and said to her, “Patricia, I have this strong calling to the ministry but it just doesn’t seem possible in my life right now and I don’t know what to do.”

The Word spoke up again. Patricia of LA put both hands on my head and I heard her say, “ The only thing keeping you from doing what you were created to do is a feeling of unworthiness, and I ask God to remove that now.” Of course I fell apart immediately. This was one of most powerful experiences I had ever had in my life, and
I heard the Word with certainty this time, As I stumbled back to camp, I began making plans to somehow start seminary.

I began with just one class, the early documents of St. Francis at the Franciscan School. I had no idea how I would do at seminary, and to my surprise, from the very beginning, I adored it. I continued with my part-time regimen at seminary, my half time job as Director of Religious Education at my church, and after a while I started to preach. But even after my road to Damascus experience with Patricia of LA in the RV lodge there were obstacles and doubts. To my amazement, with the great support of family, friends and community they all dissolved one by one.

I was ordained a year ago this past Dec 4th and my two daughters and my husband were the official vestors, placing my stole and chasuble over my head as I bawled in the front of Grace Cathedral. That, of course, was only the beginning...

There is a sacredness, a divinity in all our beginnings, our false starts, our great risks for unlikely results, Marriages, children, a brand new calling, life’s great landmarks. And whenever we fear, when we tremble to make a big change, to risk a great transition, it may comfort us to know that Christ is there and was from the very beginning.

Amen.